Resolutions vs. Sankalpa

Holy cow. I have not written here, or even publicly, since May.

It is not too surprising that I come upon this again around the beginning of the New Year. Things are shifting again, and there is a quiet urge to figure out what resolutions I am going to hold myself to and most likely, fail at, for this upcoming year. I sincerely hope blogging is not one of these, but I am not making any kind of promise/resolution or whatever about that. I simply came upon the idea that I shall be expanding upon herein and felt a tug to share it. Like a lightning strike, my brain reminded me about my long forgotten WordPress blog, and here we are. Funny how things present themselves when you need them.

I thought just a short while ago, about New Years, and Resolutions. Resolutions often ask us to give something up. For me, in the past, it’s been thoughts of giving up sweets, or certain foods, or alcohol. I’ve promised to read 30 books a year, or lose 20 pounds, etc. Resolutions, for the most part, have had a focus on what I have been doing wrong, and have implied that I am doing things wrong, or that I have not been doing enough, or that I, myself, am not enough.

A Sankalpa – kalpa meaning “idea” or “imagination” or even “creation” – is a focus on what we’d like to call into our life. In this way, the focus shifts from a place of lack – not having lost enough weight or not feeling good enough in my body, or needing to give up something I enjoy (an alcoholic drink, chocolate or carbs) – towards a place of receiving, and loving abundance.

Saying something like “I want to lose 20 pounds” as a Resolution, this signals lack. You attract what you think, so if the mind is focused on such lack, you cannot receive. Your Resolution will fail. You will not lose the weight fast enough, and say forget this, and give up your Resolution.

What needs to happen is a creation, a Sankalpa. Imagine your best life, the best results, and direct your energy towards that.

Letting go of expectations. Let go of start and end dates. Forget the scale and the numbers and the calorie counting and how many days it’s been since you last ate carbs or chocolate or drank alcohol. Create freedom for yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t set yourself up to fail. Don’t beat yourself up.

Now, that is not the same as having goals, dreams or desires. Be clear about what you desire. But re-frame and do not blame yourself – put yourself in a place of knowing that all that you already are and have is all you need. Come from a place of abundance, and abundance is what you shall receive. You are enough.

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Self-Love

“Our first and last love is self-love.”

There are many, many times where I feel just… well, crappy. It’s hard to say whether I am predisposition-ed to be in a crappy mood often, but either way, I know it happens, and when it does, it sucks inspiration right out of me. It is these times that I know that practicing “self-love” is absolutely imperative to my inner happiness, growth, and motivation. 

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So how do I show myself love and take my “inspiration vitamins” in the morning? There’s a number of ways that I show myself love.

1. Meditation. Sometimes it’s only five minutes; sometimes I have managed to sit still for over half an hour. I am still learning a lot about meditation and how to do it “effectively”, but clearing and stilling my mind has never felt so good. It gives me time to connect with my inner spirit, and to repeat some affirmations, which brings me to my next point. 

2. Affirmations. Generally this always occurs right before sleep. I will get into the position of sleep to soothe myself, and then I will silently start repeating affirmations. Thus far, most of my affirmations have been simple: “You are beautiful”, “You are wonderful”, “Tomorrow will be a good day”, etc. By repeating these over and over and over, I have started to really internalize them. They are good things for my mind to fall asleep upon thinking about.

3. Walk. Sounds simple enough, and it is. Just getting outside helps me. Fresh air rejuvenates me. Being out in nature reminds me that there’s beauty all around, and makes me feel infinitely better. Good weather is always a plus!

There are tons of other ways I combat bad feelings (reading, journaling, blogging, listening to loud music, dancing around, hot showers, hot tea), so you should find yours and practice some self-love. After all, you deserve it!

Choose joy. Smile for the hell of it. 

Love, love, love, 

– K x

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A Personal Note and “Reactivity”

Hello lovelies,

On a quick personal note: I have been chatting with my therapist about some recent events/feelings, etc, and she says she wants to have me “retested” for BPD.

My first thought?: “UUUUGGGGHHH!” I now know the difficulties and frustrations that other clients I have encountered have felt when their diagnosis is suddenly questioned or changed. Doctors, therapists, and other health practitioners can’t be perfect or correct 100% of the time, as I myself am a budding social worker and am human and not perfect, but now being the patient for such an issue is so hard.

But, I have sympathy for my therapist and her position, and calmed myself to be patient with the process. If I need to be “retested”, then I suppose I have no choice if I want answers.

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And now, almost coupled with that topic, I want to take about “reactivity”. Not a real word, but I am referring to how some, including myself, can be too reactive.

I have thought it to be a defensive mechanism with BPD, but being too reactive, for me, causes me to anger quickly and lash out fiercely at others, whether it is justified or not. As I do not, and refuse to turn to or take medications to attempt to stifle some of these feelings and reactions, getting to the root of the matter is my only option. It requires even more patience, time, and introspection. As I get reactive even while attempting to be introspective, it sometimes feels like I am constantly backtracking, but I know that when I step back, I feel like there is progress that has been made for me.

So, let me ask, are you too reactive to others? After all, it is very difficult to be happy, loving and smiling in the face of someone that gives off unloving vibes to us. Obviously the idea of being happy, loving and forcing a smile seems great… conceptually. Actually doing it is a lot harder, especially within a negative relationship or environment.

The important thing to remember is that if you are happy and positive, people follow suit. We are very much pack animals in this way. We share good AND bad vibes. Bad vibes begot more bad vibes. Good vibes begot more good vibes!

Having a happy and open heart will make others around you feel good, and you yourself will feel good. Being proactive and bringing those good, happy, openhearted vibes to a negative and unloving person or environment in your life, rather than being reactive, and lashing out to their negativity with your own negativity.

Being proactive in this way, discouraging “reactivity” and negative thoughts/emotions/actions, you are making the steps towards inner and outer love. Those that are underhandedly mean to you, talk about you behind your back, spread gossip… they are jerks, plain and simple. But the best way to deal with such jerks, is to give them love. No one wants to be a jerk; it is the sign and result of their inner suffering (whether that stemmed from their own anger, jealousy, etc). So you give them love; you bring your happy, and open heart and smile with them.

There is no need to show the negative people in your life the door. Shower them with love, and they will find their own way out of your life. Not everyone who enters your life is suppose to stay there forever, and that is one of the hardest lessons I have yet learned.

You cannot wait for others to be kind, we must be the kind ones, starting now. Aim towards love.

Good luck.

Love, love, love

– K x

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Quiet

Oh, my poor blog. A whole month without you. 

I noted, I have been rather quiet since the Boston bombings. The whole city had a very eerie feel to it even after all of it “ended”. It resonated with me for a while. As a studying social worker, topics and conversations keep sprouting out of the events that transpired, so I have not really moved away from it much either. 

I have since ended spring classes and began summer classes literally 5 days later. Tired, in a word, is an understatement. I guess I just want time to relax. I feel stressed and wiped out. A vacation would be nice. 

I am also struggling with the fate of this blog a little bit. I want to be inspirational and uplifting, but I feel as though some of my topics will seem a little too pointed or directed at some personal issue in my life; the last thing I want to do with my blog is step on toes and piss people off. 

I have been in a writer’s slump long enough. I will climb back into the seat and start blogging once more! I noted I still got views and comments and likes even during my small absence from my blog, so to my blog readers out there, I thank you all. You are all too too kind. 

Love,

– K x

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Some Healthy Eats pt.1

Hi lovely folks,

If you follow me on Instagram (@ithoughtofhim), you’d know that I post a lot of pictures… about food. I don’t like to annoy others with tons of pics of food items, but seriously, healthy food really gets me going. I like to share with others to show that I am following through with eating healthier. So without further ado: some of my eats!

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These were all natural, gluten free, kosher, with 100% sunflower oil. Non-GMO products and non-GMO sunflower oil. No preservatives. Not to mention they had a little kick at the end. They were so good!

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Last weekend I was craving some cookies, so I made these puppies. All natural. No artificial ingredients. I accidentally burnt a few, but the rest were good!

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These are my jam. Less than $2 at Trader Joe’s. Vegan. No artificial colors or flavors. I love love LOVE falafel. Good in a wrap, or salad, or by itself.

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I found these at Shaw’s about a week ago. I was amazed. They were on sale which helped me in buying them. All natural. No extra ingredients. Just sweet potato, salt and pepper. They were so good… they were gone in 2 days.

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These are awesome, especially for me, because I’m constantly on-the-go. I don’t want to give up being healthy just because I’m busy. These have no added sugar, no colorings or flavorings. No concentrate. Dairy and gluten free. Just lovely apples, peaches and apricots in an easy to squeeze pouch. :]

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Since my latest discoveries into the world of the dangers in dairy, I have been trying alternatives. I have almond milk in the fridge, which I love, but coconut milk has been the new adventure of the week. No dairy, and soy free. Gluten free and vegan. Can’t complain, tastes good!

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OMG, these. are. so. GOOD. I stay away from red meats these days (still much love for chicken and seafood), so these are good alternative. I tend to break these up into wraps and salads. Vegan heaven.

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Last, but certainly not least. These are not cheap. About $7 a pint. FoMu is a place down the street from me that sells alternative ice cream. Full info here: http://www.fomuicecream.com/aboutus.htm

That’s all for now, lovies! You’re welcome for the food porn. ;]

Love, love, love,

– K x

 

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How to UNdiet

Hello ya’ll,

As I stated previously, a lot of people are beginning to get hyped up about spring and the coming of warmer weather. I am too; springtime is when I absolutely thrive. Maybe being born in April has something to do with it. ;]

The only thing I don’t like about the coming of warmer months? People dieting. 

Let me explain: Fad diets are just that, fads. They seem to be too good to be true, because they ARE. Fad diets or even the ones that have been around for much too long (Atkins, no carb, etc) make you restrict your food choices. They require special stipulations, special food, pills, shakes, chemicals polluting your body. None of these end up working either, which then leads to a sense of failure and one’s self esteem tends to suffer. 

What people need to understand is that diets only provide temporary fixes, if even that. Do not let your health and your self esteem suffer. It is better to take a step back, reevaluate and make a lifestyle change. Become more active. Exercise. Change what you eat. You will see results. The results you want. And the best part? You will FEEL better! Mentally, emotionally and physically. 

So I thought I would offer some UNdieting tips. ;]

1. First, and most basic: drink lots of water. You should be intaking about half of your body’s weight in ounces. (Example: You weigh 140. Drink 70 ounces of water per day.) Water is well… VITAL. Adequate hydration boosts energy levels, promotes digestion and regulates blood and cholesterol levels. A lot of the time, people will confuse thirst for feeling hunger. So drink water! Lots of water!

2. Eat REAL food. Stop with the McDonald’s. If you have to wonder if they’re still serving horsemeat or not, STOP EATING IT. If you can’t figure out what an ingredient is in your ice cream, STOP EATING IT. Why should a strawberry shake need red food coloring in it? STOP EATING IT. Stop loading your body up with junk, chemicals, unpronounceable ingredients. 

My advice? If I can’t read the label of a food ingredient, I drop it and run away. Companies BANK on you being ignorant and un-knowledgeable about what you’re consuming. Don’t be a fool. 

Start eating whole food. 100% whole, real, unprocessed food. Start doing your homework on what that means. Fruits and veggies are your friends.

3. Stop counting calories. Counting them never makes you healthy. It never will. 

4. Get some exercise in. I’m not talking like hitting up the gym at 5am and staying there for 2 hours. Simple yoga poses, a 20 minute walk, a casual sunny bike ride all count too. Exercise shouldn’t have to feel like a chore, so don’t make it one. 

5. Give yourself some time. Losing weight, if that is your goal, is not easy. If it were, we wouldn’t be trying so hard, would we? Give yourself a break. It will take some time to undo, but that’s what the UNdiet is for. Old habits die hard, but if you manage to strive for changing your lifestyle every day, good things will come. 

So no more restricting. No more putting limits and stress on yourself. No more fad dieting. 

Love yourself, and love your body. 

Love, love, love, 

– K x

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Kick the Diets.

Now that spring is rolling around and people are seeking to look fit and trim for the warmer weather, I am seeing a lot of friends turning to a “diet” or “dieting”. I just want to say that diet is equivalent to failure. Diets don’t get you much of anywhere, and even if they do, the “successes” (i.e. weight loss, etc) are fleeting and don’t serve you long term. If you want to see results and feel and look healthier, it’s time for a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. Changing physically what you do and what you eat, eating better food, feeling centered mentally and exercising is what will win you a hot bod and a healthier mindset. Please consider a nutritional lifestyle change, and kick the dieting to the curb where it belongs.

I will be posting more info on here in the days to come, along with the discussion of my juice cleanse. :]

Love, love, love,

– K x

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