On a quick personal note: I have been chatting with my therapist about some recent events/feelings, etc, and she says she wants to have me “retested” for BPD.
My first thought?: “UUUUGGGGHHH!” I now know the difficulties and frustrations that other clients I have encountered have felt when their diagnosis is suddenly questioned or changed. Doctors, therapists, and other health practitioners can’t be perfect or correct 100% of the time, as I myself am a budding social worker and am human and not perfect, but now being the patient for such an issue is so hard.
But, I have sympathy for my therapist and her position, and calmed myself to be patient with the process. If I need to be “retested”, then I suppose I have no choice if I want answers.
And now, almost coupled with that topic, I want to take about “reactivity”. Not a real word, but I am referring to how some, including myself, can be too reactive.
I have thought it to be a defensive mechanism with BPD, but being too reactive, for me, causes me to anger quickly and lash out fiercely at others, whether it is justified or not. As I do not, and refuse to turn to or take medications to attempt to stifle some of these feelings and reactions, getting to the root of the matter is my only option. It requires even more patience, time, and introspection. As I get reactive even while attempting to be introspective, it sometimes feels like I am constantly backtracking, but I know that when I step back, I feel like there is progress that has been made for me.
So, let me ask, are you too reactive to others? After all, it is very difficult to be happy, loving and smiling in the face of someone that gives off unloving vibes to us. Obviously the idea of being happy, loving and forcing a smile seems great… conceptually. Actually doing it is a lot harder, especially within a negative relationship or environment.
The important thing to remember is that if you are happy and positive, people follow suit. We are very much pack animals in this way. We share good AND bad vibes. Bad vibes begot more bad vibes. Good vibes begot more good vibes!
Having a happy and open heart will make others around you feel good, and you yourself will feel good. Being proactive and bringing those good, happy, openhearted vibes to a negative and unloving person or environment in your life, rather than being reactive, and lashing out to their negativity with your own negativity.
Being proactive in this way, discouraging “reactivity” and negative thoughts/emotions/actions, you are making the steps towards inner and outer love. Those that are underhandedly mean to you, talk about you behind your back, spread gossip… they are jerks, plain and simple. But the best way to deal with such jerks, is to give them love. No one wants to be a jerk; it is the sign and result of their inner suffering (whether that stemmed from their own anger, jealousy, etc). So you give them love; you bring your happy, and open heart and smile with them.
There is no need to show the negative people in your life the door. Shower them with love, and they will find their own way out of your life. Not everyone who enters your life is suppose to stay there forever, and that is one of the hardest lessons I have yet learned.
You cannot wait for others to be kind, we must be the kind ones, starting now. Aim towards love.
Love, love, love
– K x